I heard this great speech on the radio today on 90.7. it's by Bill Moyers, who is the opening plenary speaker at the national conference for media reform.  Check it out by clicking on the opening plenary.

http://www.freepress.net/conference/=full_schedule07

oh residency where to begin.  it began, now i'm already in the third rotation, time really does fly when you are busy.  overall, i love living at home, hanging out with my friends in my spare time, playing with my niece when she's here, and having good home cooked meal after a long tiring day.  i can appreciate everything so much more.  i think my sister was right when she told me that, as you get older, family becomes more important. 

here's baby melissa, may be not so much of a baby anymore, she's almost 2.  she calls me auntie in madarine, which is so cool.  She loves hanging out with me in my room. she can be so curious and love to experiment with everything herself.  she especially love the light switch and the binds.  I just thought she's so cute here smelling the flower.  oh, bundles of sweetness she is.

Random kindness

So yesterday I was invited to this concert by my sister.  Having no idea who will be performing there, I said yes, because, well, it's free.  And I had nothing better to do than crying over my broken relationship if I had stay home.  My sister's friend Helen has given her the tickets.  The artist turned out to be Depeche Mode.  So thanks to Helen, I got to cheer on Depeche Mode with thousands of die hard fans at the Staple Center.  I feel somewhat guilty because some fan out there was probably more deserving than me to see them performing live. 

But when rushing out of my house last night to go to the concert, I tripped on this dirty old sandle, and sprained my ankle.  So this whole day, I walked with a limp.  My family medicine team felt sorry for me and told me to sit in the call room.  At the end of the day, when I was walking toward my car, out of this building, came another lady with a limp.  We both stopped and laughed.  It was nice to know we are not alone with this disability.  We wished each other a Happy Thanksgiving and a speedy recovery.

being home is nice.  initially, i felt awkward, like i wasn't able to talk to my mother or my sister because i've been away for so long.  i couldn't even look them in the eyes.  there were things on my mind, but i couldn't tell them, like having questions in my relationship, and what to do for my professional life.  But it takes people who really care about you to pry and ask questions so you can't hide behind the protective wall that you build.  it was nice to be open to my mother.  Even though i always feel sad because i don't have the big families other people have, i feel fortunate that i can always talk to my mother and my sister.

I know my life won't be the same in just a few months, and what I decide will determine the outcome.  I need to be strong so that my family and others won't sway me one way or another.  It will have to be my decision or I know i will probably be bitter toward somebody.  I need to figure out what the best is for my future and for my wellbeing.  It's all kind of exciting and scary, at the same time very sad. 

Today, my mom told me, "you are now a grown up.  with that comes certain expectations."  And I thought, "Yuck!"  then immediately felt immature.  I think in my own state of being, without expectation from those around me, is a carefree soul, who just want to dance when i hear the music. sometimes i can still listen to music, and my soul inside is dancing without me physically do so, don't know if i can explain it, but it's like my body just tingles.  i have those moments here and there, but they are definitely getting fewer and fewer, i hope i never lose them.  i hope i never grow up completely.